Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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