So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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