So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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