dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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