Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
