Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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