I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
