He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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