I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
