her vagine was all disorganized.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
