If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize