I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
