I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they need to just BURY HIM!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize