There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
