i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
