if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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