I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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