I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
