At least make sure they are 18
Why
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
