The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
