you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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