just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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