i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
