Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so let's talk penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
