whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
