Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
