it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
