Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize