WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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