I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
