I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
