i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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