It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
