I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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