Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
