So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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