she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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