I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
