My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
