The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
