what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
