My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
