Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
...so i touched it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
