operation have a gay friend backfired
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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