I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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