I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
