i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She needs sedatives and a leash
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
