i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
