She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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