so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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