these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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