He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
