her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
