just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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