and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
