I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
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It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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