he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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