I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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