My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
