You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
