I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
