i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
