so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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