Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
