Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
