Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think I just sharted jello shots
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