You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
