So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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