What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
