Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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