sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
