Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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