Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just had sex bonerless
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
