I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
