i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found the puke drawer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
