I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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