can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
